Sleep Like a Baby? What That Really Means (And Why It’s Normal if Yours Doesn’t)

Have you ever been asked if your baby is a “good sleeper”? The topic of sleep comes up a lot in families with babies and toddlers, and everyone has something to say about it. Having reliable, accurate information regarding infant sleep helps parents get enough sleep while nurturing their baby’s healthy sleep development. It also helps parents avoid being a target of the many sleep products and gadgets on the market today. While some products may be of help, others can interfere with breastfeeding, the baby’s weight gain, and development.

To decipher what is good information and what suggestions to pass by, we will look at biologically normal sleep development, what to expect from your baby at different ages and stages, and what tools and strategies may be helpful or have negative impacts on their development. The great news is that you can implement many tips and tricks that can help soothe your baby and aid in helping your baby sleep well, which means better sleep for you as well.

Cultural perspectives of sleep norms are not always based on biological norms of sleep development. Instead, most of the advice provided to parents regarding their child’s sleep is based on the influences of a culture. Sleep practices in different cultures around the world vary and are often passed on through generations. This is not to be confused with the biological norms of sleep. Sleep recommendations are often a blend of both cultural expectations about sleep and biological norms of sleep. It is interesting to note that many problem behaviors of sleep, including night waking, falling asleep alone, nursing to fall asleep, and sleeping in another room or separated from a parent, are based on cultural expectations and have no basis in sleep biology. (1) Infant sleep recommendations have changed at different times in an area depending on what is happening in the culture, rates of breastfeeding compared to bottle feeding, and views of who is considered a child expert at the time.

Biologically normal sleep considers the natural sleep patterns of babies as they develop and how sleep patterns change as they grow. It is complex, and many factors influence their sleep patterns and sleep quality.

Some of these factors include:

• Daytime activity and environment

• Daytime stressors

• How are they fed - bottle, breast, or a combination

• What are they fed - breastmilk, formula, milk in combination with complementary foods

• Nighttime environment - freedom of movement, swaddled, sleep suits

• Proximity to their mother during sleep

• Belly comfort or discomfort

• Baby’s age

• Underlying health issues

A baby’s circadian rhythm is different from an adult's, which can be a huge adjustment after the baby arrives. Babies need to eat often, and their sleep is broken up into smaller segments of time around the clock, unlike an adult pattern of daytime wakefulness and longer sleep stretches at night. It is not until between the ages of 2-3 years that a baby’s sleep pattern resembles that of an adult pattern, with more consolidated hours of sleep. (2)

• Newborns sleep 16-18 hours per day, with the longest sleep stretch being about 2.5 hours (6)

• Sleep decreases gradually to 9-13 hours by age 6-11 months (5)

• Newborns spend about the same amount of time in REM sleep, or active sleep, as they do in NREM or quiet sleep. (10) The architecture of their sleep changes rapidly as they grow.

• Circadian rhythms begin to develop around 2-3 months old, and your baby may begin to have slightly longer wakeful times and sleep times (6)

• Sleep development happens alongside cognitive and physical developmental milestones (7)

• Sleep is not taught; rather, it is a developmental milestone achieved as your child grows and develops self-soothing skills (8)

• Sleep regression - there aren’t any!! Sleep progressions are more accurate for what is happening. When your baby is exploring more during the day and eating for shorter amounts of time, they will wake more during the night, not only to get those calories in but also to protect your supply as they progress into this new stage.

• Nighttime waking is normal and is protective against SID. (11,12)

• Babies sleeping in contact with their mother wake more often, but parents also report feeling more rested compared to when their baby sleeps separately (9)

• Establish a calming bedtime routine - help your baby wind down from the day by offering comfort and connection before sleep. You can include activities like co-bathing or giving your baby a bath, infant massage, and humming and rocking with your baby.

• Evening babywearing offers your baby extra closeness and is a nice way to reconnect if you are a working parent.

• Infant massage - helps relax your baby’s muscles, eases tummy upset, and helps your baby calm down before bedtime. Infant massage can be done any time of day and is a nice addition to your evening bedtime routine. The I Love You belly massage follows their intestinal tract and helps release gas bubbles. If your baby’s body holds tension, infant massage helps relax the entire body and supports the rest and digest phase.

• Ensure they are not hungry or thirsty - while it is a myth that nighttime food and bottles do not influence longer sleep, your baby does have to be satisfied to fall asleep, just like us, we may want a sip of water or a light snack to feel satiated for bedtime

• Nurse your baby to sleep - go ahead, nurse your little one to sleep. The act of rhythmic sucking helps calm your baby’s nervous system, the contact with you is calming since babies co-regulate with their parent, and your nighttime milk is designed to help your baby drift peacefully to sleep.

• Incorporate plenty of mental stimulation, physical play, and exploration into their daytime hours. Reduce the amount of time they spend in car seats or other container seats or toys that limit their movement.

• Address tummy troubles, including gas, belly upset, and reflux. A Holistic IBCLC can help you identify the root causes, which may be a result of latching and positioning, food sensitivities, gut dysbiosis, tension, oral ties, or another reason. An infant probiotic may help increase your baby’s good gut bacteria for better digestion and less tummy upset.

• Talk to your IBCLC - If your baby needs white noise machines and a lot of effortful measures to make their sleep environment just right. Your baby may benefit from bodywork and home exercises to aid nervous system regulation and digestion. Your IBCLC can offer you individualized strategies for resolving feeding challenges that interfere with falling or staying asleep.

• Be flexible - not every night will be the same. Colds and teething can disrupt your baby’s sleep or be the reason for more frequent waking. Babies' sleep patterns often change just before they have physical, mental, and emotional growth spurts. 

By understanding what is biologically normal and tuning into your baby’s unique needs, parents can make informed choices that support healthy sleep and overall well-being. It can bring peace of mind and empower you to support your baby in a way that feels right for your family. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to infant sleep, but with reliable information, supportive strategies, and a bit of flexibility, you can help your baby rest well while also getting the rest you need. Trust your instincts, stay curious, and remember—your love and presence are some of the most powerful tools in nurturing your baby’s healthy sleep.

1. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7871158_Children's_Sleep_An_Interplay_Between_Culture_and_Biology

2. https://www.jstor.org/stable/41514920?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

3. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2672785/

4. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/144/2_MeetingAbstract/212/3302/Prevalence-and-Parental-Perceived-Efficacy-of-Rice?redirectedFrom=fulltext

5. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35609356/

6. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526132/

7. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5440010/

8. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1201415/#:~:text=During%20the%20first%20months%20of,being%20aware%20of%20the%20awakening '.

9. https://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/

10. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5656471/

11. https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jappl.1998.85.6.2314#:~:text=The%20different%20components%20of%20the,%2Dthreatening%20stimulus%20(24) .

12. https://academic.oup.com/emph/article/2014/1/40/1844291 

https://raisedgood.com/what-does-biologically-normal-baby-sleep-look-like/

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep

https://lyndseyhookway.com/2023/04/05/challenging-mainstream-sleep-training-bs/

https://cosleeping.nd.edu/articles-and-presentations/articles-and-essays/

https://www.legendairymilk.com/blogs/legendairy-tips/guide-for-keeping-your-babys-belly-calm-while-breastfeeding?_pos=2&_sid=4054f5118&_ss=r