Navigating Lactation After Pregnancy Loss: Understanding Your Body and Honoring Your Journey

One in four women will experience pregnancy loss in their lifetime. This statistic represents millions of individuals navigating grief, healing, and the complex emotions that come with such a profound loss. Experiencing a pregnancy loss not only brings emotional difficulties but also unexpected physical changes, including lactation. Understanding why this happens and how to navigate it—whether by drying up your milk supply or honoring your loss through your milk—can provide a sense of control and healing.

During pregnancy, the body is constantly preparing to make breast milk. This process, called lactogenesis, occurs in four stages, and depending on when a pregnancy loss occurs, the body may still respond as if a live birth is expected ⁽¹⁾. Hormonal changes, particularly the drop in progesterone and the surge of prolactin, can trigger milk production ⁽²⁾. This response is especially common if the loss happens later in pregnancy, as the body has had more time to prepare for breastfeeding.

For some, milk production can begin within a few days or weeks after the loss. This may add another layer of emotional complexity to an already difficult experience. The presence of milk may be a painful reminder of the loss, yet for some, it can also be a way to honor the memory of their pregnancy.

You may experience:

• Engorgement – Swollen, firm, and sometimes painful breasts as milk comes in. ⁽³⁾

• Leaking – Spontaneous milk leakage, particularly when breasts are stimulated. ⁽³⁾

• No milk production at all – Not all bodies will begin lactating after pregnancy loss, especially in early miscarriages. ⁽³⁾ 

If no breastfeeding occurs, the body will begin to reduce milk production. This process typically happens over a period of days or weeks, but varies for each person. However, for loss that happens later in pregnancy or at full-term, steps should be taken to reduce engorgement. ⁽⁴⁾  

If you’re struggling with caring for your breasts or managing your milk supply after a pregnancy loss, know that there are ways to help manage the physical symptoms while giving yourself grace through the grieving process. This is a deeply personal process with no right or wrong decision. 

If you decide you would like to stop milk production, the following methods can help ease the transition:

• Avoid Stimulation – Try to avoid stimulating your breasts, as this can encourage continued milk production. This includes limiting direct contact, pumping, or hand expression, as your body may interpret that as a signal to produce more milk. ⁽⁴⁾

• Cold Compresses – Applying cold packs or chilled cabbage leaves to your breasts can help reduce swelling and discomfort. Use for 15 to 20 minutes at a time, several times a day. ⁽⁴⁾

• Pain Relief – Over-the-counter pain relievers like ibuprofen can help alleviate discomfort and reduce inflammation. ⁽⁴⁾

• Cabbage Leaves – Wearing cabbage leaves inside your bra or using a cabbage-based cream has been shown to help dry up milk supply naturally. ⁽⁴⁾

• Herbal Remedies – Certain herbs, like sage, peppermint, and parsley, are known to help reduce milk supply. Drinking sage tea or incorporating these herbs into your diet may support the weaning process. However, consult with a healthcare provider before trying any herbal treatments. ⁽⁴⁾

• Sudafed - Pseudoephedrine, or Sudafed, is a common over-the-counter decongestant. Research shows the Sudafed causes a noticeable decrease in milk production. Sudafed should only be used to suppress lactation under the supervision of a doctor.

• Supportive Bra – Wearing a well-fitted, non-restrictive bra can provide comfort and support without overstimulating milk production. ⁽⁴⁾

• Gradual Weaning – If milk production is significant and causing distress, expressing small amounts of milk (without fully emptying the breast) can help ease discomfort and allow your body to slowly decrease production. ⁽⁴⁾

• Hydration & Diet – Reducing fluids drastically is not recommended, but moderating water intake and avoiding lactation-supportive foods like oats and barley may help signal your body to stop milk production. ⁽⁴⁾

• Sunflower Lecithin: Use Sunflower Lecithin as needed while reducing milk removals to reduce the chances of getting clogged ducts. 

The process of drying up milk can take a few days to a few weeks, depending on your body and your gestation. Allow yourself grace during this transition, and seek comfort in knowing that this is a natural biological response to pregnancy. ⁽⁴⁾

For some, stopping milk production feels like the best way to move forward. For others, finding a purpose for their milk can be a meaningful way to honor their baby. Here are some ways you can channel your milk into a tribute:

Many parents find comfort in donating their milk to help other babies in need. There are both formal milk banks and informal milk-sharing networks that accept donor milk from bereaved parents:

• Milk Banks – Organizations like the Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA) have rigorous screening processes and distribute donor milk to NICUs and medically fragile infants. The Mother’s Milk Bank at Austin is the largest milk bank in the US.

• Peer-to-Peer Milk Sharing – Groups like Eats on Feets and Human Milk 4 Human Babies connect donors directly with parents who need breast milk.

• Contact an IBCLC – A lactation consultant can guide you through the donation process and help you decide if this is the right path for you.

Some parents choose to preserve their breast milk in jewelry or keepsakes as a way to honor their baby’s memory. Various artisans create breast milk jewelry, resin pendants, or even soaps using your milk as a meaningful tribute.

• Milk Bath Ceremony – Some parents find comfort in creating a milk bath as a way to symbolize nurturing and releasing.

• Writing a Letter or Journal Entry – Expressing emotions through writing can be a therapeutic way to process grief and honor the bond you had with your baby.

• Naming Your Baby – If you haven’t already, choosing a name or a special symbol for your baby can bring comfort and create a lasting legacy.

It’s important to remember that grieving after a miscarriage is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Seeking support from loved ones, a counselor, or a support group can be incredibly helpful during this time. Your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to feel sadness, frustration, anger, or a mix of many emotions, including peace and acceptance.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by the physical or emotional aspects of lactation after a miscarriage, don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare provider. Lactation consultants or your doctor can provide guidance on managing milk supply, and mental health professionals can offer support as you navigate your grief.

You don’t have to face this experience alone. There are resources and communities available to help you through this difficult time. Legendairy Milk is here to support you in any way possible—whether that’s answering questions, providing guidance, or simply reminding you that your feelings and experiences are valid. While it may come as an unexpected and painful reminder of loss, lactation is a natural biological response to pregnancy. Managing your milk supply and the emotions that come with it is a deeply personal experience. Listen to your body, give yourself grace, and reach out for support if needed. Your journey through grief is unique. Join us in a supportive community of women @legendairywomen and for breastfeeding support find us @legendairymilk. 

1. https://starlegacyfoundation.org/lactation/

2. https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/health-and-safety/pregnancy-hormones_40010128

3. https://breastfeeding.support/lactation-after-stillbirth-infant-loss/

4. https://llli.org/news/commonly-asked-questions-about-lactation-after-loss/

Remembrance & Birth Support

• Stillbirthday (SBD) — Birth & Bereavement Doula® network and guides; searchable doula directory.  stillbirthday.com
  
  

• Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS) — Free professional remembrance photography for families experiencing the death of a baby.  Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
  
  

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Organizations

• Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support — 75+ U.S. chapters, bedside companions, online & in-person groups, private communities, memorial events. “Find support in your state” tool.  Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

• Star Legacy Foundation — Free, virtual support groups (English/Spanish), peer companions, phone/text support.  Star Legacy Foundation

• MISS Foundation — Traumatic grief counseling resources, peer support, and Compassionate Bereavement Care® training.  Miss Foundation

• Return to Zero: H.O.P.E. — National nonprofit offering groups, courses, retreats, and a curated directory of perinatal loss orgs.  Return to Zero: H.O.P.E.

• The Compassionate Friends — Peer support for families after the death of a child (any age/cause), with resources specific to stillbirth/miscarriage/infant loss.  Compassionate Friends

Clinically Led Virtual Groups (Loss & Pregnancy After Loss)

• Postpartum Support International (PSI) — Free, facilitator-led online groups for Early Pregnancy Loss and Pregnancy After Loss (PAL).  Postpartum Support International (PSI)

• Star Legacy Foundation — Ongoing free virtual loss groups across time zones.  Star Legacy Foundation

• Empty Cradle — Regional nonprofit (SoCal) with open virtual support meetings available to bereaved parents.  Empty Cradle

Culturally Specific / Community-Centered Spaces

• Sisters in Loss — Grief support groups, storytelling, and education centering Black women and families. (Online community + groups.)  sistersinloss.com

How to Find Local, In-Person Support

• Share’s state finder (chapters nationwide).  Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

• Hospital resource hubs

• 2-1-1 directories often list area bereaved-parent groups.
  
  

Government & Education Hubs (for handouts and awareness)

• CDC Stillbirth resources