Donor Milk and Milk Sharing: A Lifesaving Tradition Rooted in Community and Care

Breast milk is one of the most biologically remarkable substances on earth—tailor-made to meet the nutritional, immunological, and developmental needs of human babies. But for countless families around the world, the process of feeding a baby breast milk involves more than just one person. It involves a community.

Donor milk and milk sharing offer a powerful lifeline—sometimes medically necessary, sometimes emotionally grounding—for families navigating challenges like low milk supply, premature birth, adoption, illness, or grief. Whether it's pumped, shared, or donated, donor milk can be the difference between health and harm, connection and crisis.

But milk sharing isn’t new. It’s ancient. For millennia, communities have come together to feed babies who couldn’t be nursed by their biological parents. These traditions continue today—sometimes informally between friends or online networks, and sometimes through regulated milk banks that serve fragile infants in clinical settings.

Importantly, any discussion of milk sharing must also acknowledge its painful past. In the United States, Black enslaved women were often forced to wet nurse the children of their enslavers, sometimes while their own babies went without ⁽⁴⁾ . This history is not just a footnote—it continues to shape trust, access, and equity in maternal and infant health today ⁽³⁾ . As we explore the possibilities of shared milk, we must also hold space for that legacy and support the ongoing efforts to reclaim and uplift community-centered lactation care.

Informal milk sharing refers to the voluntary exchange of milk ( without payment ) outside of clinical systems or milk banks. Parents may donate milk directly to another family in their local circle, or they may connect with others through online forums, parenting groups, or peer-to-peer platforms.

This type of milk sharing often stems from a deep sense of generosity and solidarity. A parent with abundant milk may offer to support a friend with low supply. A surrogate may express and donate milk to a family using their own criteria. These relationships are often built on trust, transparency, and mutual respect.

Some families choose informal milk sharing because they prefer breast milk over formula, want to avoid specific allergens, or simply want to nourish their baby with a substance designed for human digestion and development.

Milk sharing is not a modern innovation. It has deep roots across the globe—from wet nurses in 18th-century France to communal breastfeeding traditions in Indigenous and Latin American cultures. In many parts of the world, nursing another’s child was seen as a sacred act that forged familial bonds and kinship.

But in the United States, the legacy of wet nursing is deeply racialized. During slavery, Black women were routinely forced to nurse the children of enslavers—often while being separated from or prohibited from nursing their own infants. This was a form of reproductive control and exploitation that left emotional and physical scars across generations ⁽³⁾ .

Today, some Black families may understandably feel conflicted about the idea of milk donation or wet nursing, given that history. At the same time, Black-led movements are reclaiming milk sharing on their own terms—centered in community, healing, and autonomy.

Because informal milk sharing happens outside of regulated systems, it comes with both freedoms and responsibilities. Informed consent is essential. Both the donor and the recipient should be comfortable discussing:

• Medical history and any chronic conditions
  
  

• Current medications, herbs, or supplements
  
  

• Alcohol, drug, or nicotine use
  
  

• Recent illnesses or infections
  
  

• Pumping, handling, and storage practices
  
  

Because the milk is not medically screened or pasteurized, there is a small but real chance of transmitting infectious diseases (like HIV, CMV, or hepatitis) ⁽⁵⁾ , especially if a donor’s health history is unknown or undisclosed. Improper handling or storage can also introduce harmful bacteria, compromising the safety of the milk. Another concern is the increasing prevalence of milk sharing scams, particularly in online spaces. Some individuals have been known to offer milk in exchange for money—charging for shipping or even the milk itself—and then never sending it. In other cases, the milk may come from unclear sources or be adulterated, mislabeled, or improperly stored. It’s important to know that the sale of human milk is not regulated , and purchasing milk comes with higher risks, both legally and medically. Whenever possible, families should opt for donation-based sharing and meet donors in person or through trusted local networks. Open dialogue, informed consent, and transparent safety practices help ensure that milk sharing remains a safe, ethical, and mutually respectful exchange.

While there are risks—including possible bacterial contamination or viral transmission—many families find that with proper communication and precaution, informal milk sharing can be a safe and meaningful choice ⁽²⁾ .

Human milk banks are regulated facilities that collect, screen, pasteurize, and distribute donated human milk to infants with medical needs. The milk is typically prioritized for premature and critically ill newborns, especially those in neonatal intensive care units (NICUs).

Unlike informal milk sharing, milk banks operate under strict medical protocols. Donors undergo thorough screening for infectious diseases and lifestyle risk factors. The milk is then pasteurized to destroy harmful bacteria and viruses, tested for safety, and stored under controlled conditions.

One of the most vital roles of donor milk is its ability to prevent necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC)—a serious and potentially fatal intestinal disease that primarily affects preterm infants.

NEC involves inflammation and bacterial invasion of the bowel wall, which can lead to tissue death and systemic infection. Infants born before 32 weeks gestation are at especially high risk, and formula feeding in the NICU is known to significantly increase that risk ⁽¹⁾ .

Numerous studies have shown that when preemies receive donor human milk instead of formula, their risk of NEC is dramatically reduced ⁽¹⁾ . Human milk supports the development of the gut microbiome, strengthens the intestinal barrier, and provides anti-inflammatory and immune-modulating components that formula simply cannot replicate ⁽⁶⁾ .

Milk donors are typically healthy lactating parents who have more milk than their child needs. Most milk banks require that donors:

• Are nonsmokers
  
  

• Are not using certain medications or herbal supplements

  • Note: most milk banks will not accept donors currently utilizing Legendairy Milk products. 

• Are in good general health
  
  

• Pass a blood test screening for HIV, hepatitis B and C, syphilis, and HTLV
  
  

Once approved, donors collect and freeze their milk at home using sterile techniques. The milk is then transported to the bank, where it is pooled (combined from multiple donors), pasteurized using the Holder method (62.5°C for 30 minutes), tested for bacterial contamination, and stored for hospital or outpatient use.

Pasteurization does reduce some of the live immune components in milk, but many bioactive factors—including human milk oligosaccharides (HMOs), lactoferrin, and growth factors—remain active after processing. It’s a compromise between safety and preserving as much of the milk’s integrity as possible.

Priority is given to premature or medically fragile infants in hospital settings. These may include:

• Very low birthweight infants
  
  

• Babies recovering from intestinal surgery
  
  

• Babies with cardiac conditions or metabolic disorders
  
  

• Infants whose parent cannot provide milk due to illness, death, or delayed lactogenesis
  
  

Some milk banks also offer milk to outpatient families who qualify—such as adoptive parents, people with insufficient supply due to hormonal disorders, or babies with allergies or feeding intolerances. However, access can be limited by cost and availability.

Donor milk from milk banks can be expensive, sometimes costing several dollars per ounce. While some hospitals cover the cost for NICU patients, and certain insurance plans may reimburse for outpatient use, coverage remains inconsistent.

This creates a troubling equity gap. Families with fewer financial resources may be less able to access the benefits of donor milk, despite equal or greater need. Advocacy is growing around expanding public funding and insurance mandates for medically indicated donor milk—especially for underserved communities, where infant health disparities are already pronounced.

Efforts are also underway in many regions to increase milk bank locations, diversify donor outreach, and improve cultural competency in donor milk education ⁽⁷⁾ .

Milk donors give more than just milk—they give time, energy, and a piece of their postpartum journey to support a stranger’s baby. For some, it’s a way to process grief after the loss of an infant. For others, it’s a celebration of abundance and solidarity.

Whether human milk is shared informally between friends or distributed through a hospital NICU, it reflects something beautiful about the human experience—our willingness to nourish, protect, and sustain each other.

But in order for milk sharing to truly serve families, we need systems and conversations rooted in safety, consent, equity, and respect. That means:

• Uplifting community milk sharing with appropriate guidance
  
  

• Expanding access to donor milk regardless of income
  
  

• Addressing the historical harms tied to milk labor, especially for Black women
  
  

• Supporting all infant feeding journeys with empathy—not shame
  
  

Human milk is more than food. It is an ancestral practice, a healing gift, and—sometimes—a miracle. Did your baby receive donor milk? Let us know in the comments and follow Legendairy Milk for more breastfeeding support! 

• Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA)

• Eats on Feets

• Human Milk 4 Human Babies

• Black Mothers' Breastfeeding Association

• American Academy of Pediatrics: Breastfeeding Policy

1. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2022). Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk.

2. Gribble, K. D., & Hausman, B. L. (2012). Milk sharing and formula feeding: Infant feeding risks in comparative perspective. Australasian Medical Journal, 5(5), 275–283.

3. West, E. (2006). Chains of Love: Slave Mothers and the Politics of Wet Nursing. Journal of Southern History, 69(3), 525–554.

4. https://centaur.reading.ac.uk/66788/7/article%20%281%29%20%281%29.pdf

5. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7152307/

6. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9463492/

7. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7613495/